Worthy Commitments |

During my senior year of high school, as it was getting close to the time for me to decide which university to attend, I wasn?t getting close at all to a decision. In fact, more options started to look appealing as the deadline loomed. It wasn?t until very late at night right before the deadline when I turned down four other schools in favour of going to college in Santa Barbara.

I usually come across as spontaneous. A random conversation with my friend Tim turned into a week of wandering around unfamiliar places in New England with three of our other friends. Whims have made me speak on panels. Whims have led me to spend months sleeping on couches.

But when it comes to bigger decisions- ones with more permanent impact, I make those decisions very, very slowly. Too slowly. When opening one door necessitates having a lot of other doors shut I make that decision very, very, carefully.

This isn?t always the best trait. In fact lately, I?ve realized something. I?m not so great when it comes to commitment. Short term commitments, sure. I?ll say yes to the internship and give it everything I?ve got. But when it comes to moving somewhere, taking a long term job, moving into the next phase of a relationship, then my feet begin to drag. And this can be issues. I think a few times my indecision to commit to a relationship has created distrust or an impatience accompanied by decreasing interest.

I?m still not great at that sort of commitment. I live life by the sampler platter, always wanting to try out new things. In fact my rough plans for the next few years look a little bit like a sampler platter. In order to ensure that my passions meet the world?s bigger needs, I want to go from place to place to discover how those needs look.

But commitment is important, and that?s something I?m currently learning a lot about.

My friend Jordan describes Love as a sacrificial commitment. Or a committed sacrifice. I like his outlook. But if that?s the case, commitment is half of the equation.?True commitments aren?t easy to make, because true commitments are ones that are kept.

There?s all kinds of commitments one can make. A commitment to a job. A commitment to a certain kind of lifestyle. A commitment to a person.

One of the biggest realizations I had while at university was the fact that we were made for relationship. That?s all that I can find that makes sense. People can be dirt poor and in the most dire circumstances, but if they?re surrounded by the Love of others, they have a reason to keep going. On the flip side, some people can have everything but be so relationally broke.

This made a lot of sense why I spent most of my life craving relationships. When Jesus said that the most important things in life was Love for God, and subsequently other people, it totally makes sense to me. It?s the only thing that gave me real satisfaction. While I wanted to have relationships with other people, I didn?t quite understand how those were based on a Love for God, or what it really meant to Love.

Back in the day, I wouldn?t know how to make sense of Love being a sacrificial commitment.?It?s a sacrifice to put yourself last to stay true to the person you?re committed to. Love, however, decides it?s worth it. Jesus goes so far as to call it dying to yourself.

On an episode of This American Life,?a guest proposed that if he were to get married in the future, he would want it to have a seven year expiry. After seven years, to keep the marriage going, this couple would have to get remarried, but at the end of seven years it would end. This guy proposed that the choice would make the relationship stronger.

Ira Glass responded with one of the best Ira Glass quotes I?ve ever heard:

?I think actually one of the things that?s a comfort in marriage is that there isn?t a door at seven years, and so if something is messed up, in the short term, there?s a comfort of knowing, ?well we made this commitment, so we?re just going to work this out. And even if tonight we?re not getting along, or there?s something between us that doesn?t feel right, you have the comfort of knowing, we?ve got time, we?re going to figure this out?. And that makes it so much easier. Because you do go through times where you hate each other?s guts, and the no escape clause, weirdly, is a bigger comfort to being married than I ever would have thought before I got married.?

To me, Ira gets it. Commitment, Love, grace, faith, sacrifice. These lie at the heart of a relationship- any relationship really. A marriage. A dating couple. Even just some lifelong friends.

At the end of four years of college, I?m graduating with two degrees and an extra fifteen pounds that stayed on after freshman year? I?m really perpetuating that stereotype. But I?m also graduating with some of the most valuable treasure in the universe: a few good friends who have an incredible Love for me that I believe in and that I return.

In the hypothetical universe of Ira Glass? guest, the end of school, with a number of my friends moving away could resemble the end of these seven-year temporary marriages. Geography may spread us out, causing us to choose whether or not to remain close.

I know the value of the relationships I built, and it hardly seems like a choice. It?s as much of a choice as breathing is a choice. It?s a no-brainer.

I am committing to keeping the relationships I?ve built over the past few years, and I?ve even drafted game plans as to how to go about it. It will take sacrifice, in terms of working my schedule around phone calls and Skype dates, but it will be worth it for that regular connection. That commitment. It?ll take some effort, some gas, and some plane tickets, but this commitment says it?s worth it. And as Ira puts it, even if you don?t have it all figured out, there?s a comfort in knowing, you?re committed. You?re gonna make it work out.

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